Melon Farmers Unrated




Black Friday Sale...

Up to 50% off selected items at

Link Here26th November 2021


Sex Machines



John Thomas Smooth Boy Platinum Silicone Stretcher...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 16th November 2021

Smooth Boy is a simple, yet very effective, time-honoured design for our medical grade platinum silicone anal stretcher.

Presented in a stunning royal blue tone, this dong is perfectly tailored for erotic anal play alone, or with a partner. Its tapered head will effortlessly slip inside you and take you to your happy place.

Smooth Boy works conveniently with vacuum dildo systems and is also O-Ring compatible.

This sensual dong can be warmed up or cooled down prior to use for that extra sensation and sterilized in boiling water in-between sessions.

Customer's receive a free faux velvet storage bag and large suction cup plug. Please build up to larger sizes gradually and remember to use plenty of lubricant. 

See further details at John Thomas Toys



Slide in for the ride of your life...

20% off lubricants at

Link Here14th November 2021


20% off lubricants

Sex Machines



Sniper Pro Sex Machine...

November Sex Machine of the Month at £399

Link Here1st November 2021

The Sniper Pro Sex Machine is a new arrival at the UK's leading retailer of fucking machines. The Sniper Pro is built by Diva ® one of the world's top fucking machine manufacturers, Diva® have been building quality machines since 1973. The Sniper is so called due to its shape and from a distance could be mistaken for something far more sinister than a machine built to provide optimum pleasure for its user. has been working with Diva for many years and the two combine to make the best possible connection between manufacturer and customer. Buying from a UK based company with a long established track record matched with a product that is designed to the highest quality by a leading US company is not only a refreshing change from the high risk Asian market but provides the buyer with a real guarantee if anything doesn't work out as it should. With low pricing deals it not only makes sense to buy for customer protection but also it makes financial sense too -- if it is a well made and reliable fucking machine you want with no risk and easy on the purse then truly look no further.

Let's now look at the specifications of the Sniper Pro Sex Machine: Firstly, out of the box you get the Sniper Pro Sex Machine with power pack and lead, followed by a deluxe Vac-U-lock® adaptor and instruction booklet; all supplied in a glossy presentation box. The total weight of the Sniper Pro Sex Machine 5.5kg and has full dimensions of 50cm length; 32cm width; 62cm height. It is made from corrosion resistant steel. The machine is painted in black.

The product is shipped with the correct power for your country with a range of 110v to 240v and 50hz to 60hz. UK customers receive a UK power pack and other countries are suitably supplied the correct power pack. The product is CE certified and ROHS compliant. Co-designed in the UK and US and manufactured in China.

The motor is a well manufactured industrial standard motor with specification of 24Volts, 4 Amps and 72 Watts. The power pack ensures the correct voltage will power the fucking machine without overloading the device. No batteries are required for this machine.

The Sniper Pro Sex Machine has a stroke length of 6cm to 17cm and stroke increments up to 240 per minute with a rat-a-tat maximum speed of 300 per minute; the torque is 36in -- lbs and there is a 45 degree angle of adjustability. There is the option to purchase 20cm or 40cm extension rods. The machine comes with a deluxe hand-held 180cm corded speed controller with a rotating dial.

There are some great optional add-ons which should be investigated they include, 20cm and 40cm extension rods, Fleshlight® Holder and Fleshlight Male masturbator, Wizard adaptor, Universal dildo holder, dildo double adaptor, Vac-U-lock dildos and a deluxe suction cup dildo holder. All optional extras are keenly priced at

About the Vac-U-Locksystem: prides itself on making all its machines compatible with the Vac-U-lock system. There is no better fucking machine attachment than those produced by Vac-U-lock . Using the best materials which are not only durable but they enhance sexual pleasure by making the experience as near to the real sensation as possible. The ever extending range of Vac-U-lock attachments for your fucking machine enables the owner to bring new life to their machine. Talk to the helpful and friendly staff at and they will advise you how to update your current fucking machine to the Vac-U-Lock system or provide practical help on anything related to fucking machines and their attachments.

You can telephone the helpful staff at on 0845 299 3928 for any advice, calls answered Monday to Friday 10am to 4pm.

See further details about the Sniper Pro from

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John Thomas Chubby Cedric Platinum Silicone Dildo...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 30th October 2021

With his lovely realistic skin texture, Chubby Cedric is a pink platinum silicone delight.

Molded from a rather chubby English Aristocrat's very own John Thomas, this unusual dildo looks and feels wonderful as it slips inside and out of you. Highly prominent veins and a cut foreskin, complement the worm like ripple which runs from the base, to the top of the shaft and the tapered royal glans which adorns it!

Compatible with Vac-u-lock sex machines and harnesses, this versatile sex toy can also be used handheld.

Due to the lovely ridges Chubby Cedric is particularly enjoyable for anal play.

Free next working day delivery is available on all UK orders. Choice of 4 sizes and 2 textures for your convenience.

See further details at John Thomas Toys



Blue Balls XL 2.0 Fucking Machine...

Sex machine reviews

Link Here 28th October 2021

The long awaited arrival of the Blue Balls XL 2.0 Fucking Machine is over for customers of who have secured a limited number of these amazing machines ahead of the official release date at the end of this year. If you want to be one of the first people in the world to experience the most powerful and versatile fucking and masturbation machine on the planet, then don't delay and head straight to

What has this awesome machine got in its arsenal and how does it compare to the ever popular 2010 version Blue Balls XL? -- The Blue Balls XL 2.0 Fucking Machine is manufactured by leading US company Diva® who have been making precision made high quality adult products since 1973. The Blue Balls XL 2.0 Fucking Machine is constructed from heat treated, highly strengthened industrial steel which is corrosion resistant. The machine is brushed with graphite giving it a quieter operation for those living in close proximity to others. The high powered ½ horsepower motor providing a torque of 40-in-lbs ensures the user will be more than satisfied with its performance. The stroke length is up to 8 inches with a stroke speed range from 0-300 RPM. The newly patented Rat-A-Tat mode is standard and gives a real sex feel to the user by the thrusting action of short, rapid strokes, which at a mind blowing 300 thrusts per minute is sure to provide the best orgasm possible. There is a spindle wheel to provide easy height adjustment of the machine up to 15 inches. The Blue Balls XL 2.0 Fucking Machine comes with the correct power source for your country and has an ultra safe low voltage power adaptor. The product is CE certified and ROHS compliant and comes with a 1 year UK and Worldwide warranty. All in all the Blue Balls XL 2.0 is a beefed up version of the popular Blue Balls XL, with greater versatility, the addition of the Diva deluxe Vac-U-Lockadaptor and the amazing Rat-A-Tat mode.

If you are looking for a fucking machine with the latest technology and built with engineering expertise the Blue Balls XL 2.0 Fucking Machine is the answer. Fantastic power, strong and stable build quality, the compatibility with Vac-U-Lock attachments, the huge range a sexual positions that are available for the user and the ease of assembling and disassembling makes the Blue Balls XL 2.0 Fucking Machine the best on offer at a price to fit most budgets. have put together an amazing package, in addition to the machine the buyer will receive a Diva Vac-U-Lock adaptor, a Sexflesh® Male masturbator w/tightening ring, a Sexflesh Vac-U-Lock 6 inch beige phallic penis, a Diva silicone 6 inch anal stimulator and a Diva deluxe speed controller. Head down to now before they sell out of the Blue Balls XL 2.0 Fucking Machine the ideal choice for penetration and male masturbation!

See further details about the Blue Balls XL 2.0 fucking machine from

See also Blue Balls XL Fucking and Masturbation Machine from



John Thomas Slinky Santiago Platinum Silicone Dildo...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 18th October 2021

Slinky Santiago is your new go-to anal sex toy designed for ultimate satisfaction.

This jet black platinum silicone dildo has gloriously coarse skin which complements the lovely ridges which adorn the length of its shaft. With its tight balls, thick girth and large exposed glans you have a truly pleasing design for an anal treat.

Slinky Santiago is great when connected to a compatible sex machine or harness. It is Vac-u-lock and O-Ring compatible and available in a choice of four sizes and two levels of firmness.

Larger versions are ideal for anal stretching but build up to these slowly.

Comes complete with free large suction cup plug and plush faux velvet bag.

See further details at John Thomas Toys



John Thomas Joshua's Bits Platinum Silicone Dildo...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 1st October 2021

Medical grade platinum silicone has immortalised our favourite courier's cock forever.

This Vac-U-Lock and O-Ring compatible toy is perfect for stimulating the G-Spot or the male P-Spot.

Joshua's Bits comes in 4 handy sizes ranging from 7 to a majestic 16 and is great for hand held use; attached to a harness or compatible sex machine.

Handcrafted using copper molds, every toy features impressive detailing. Hypoallergenic and non-porous, this sex toy can be cleaned in the dishwasher or sterilized in boiling water.

Choose your size, then choose your level of firmness. UK orders receive free next working day delivery and a free large suction cup.

See further details at John Thomas Toys

John Thomas Toys™

Silicone Dildos

Designed in UK | Made in USA

100% Medical Grade Platinum Silicone

FREE UK Next Working Day Delivery | Worldwide Shipping

FREE Vac-U-Lock™ Large Suction Cup Plug with all dildos


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